Applying Lessons Learned

Maya offers a great object lesson for us!

One of the lessons Dr. Angelou shares comes from a trip to Dakar. She was invited to visit her good friends’, Sameia and Pierre’s, home for dinner. Maya describes walking into a beautifully furnished living room where the integrated group of Europeans and Africans were laughing, clinking glasses and discussing everything from Nietzsche to Baldwin. However in one of the rooms, guests were bunched up against the walls talking and laughing. In the center of the room was a beautiful oriental rug. Maya had known an Egyptian woman who made it explicit that no one should walk on her expensive carpet. The Egyptian woman made it clear that if anyone was going to wear her carpet out, it would be her family only.

Maya’s high regard for Sameia, plummeted. What words should one use to tell a guest how to behave? Maybe an action would speak louder. Under the ruse of looking at a painting across the room, Maya walked over the rug to the other side of the room. Several guests smiled weakly at her and remained bunched up against the wall. She walked back and forth at least five times.

Can you guess what happened next?

Then she got into a discussion with another guest about books and almost missed what happened next. Two maids came into the room, rolled up the rug and took it away. Within moments the maids reappeared with another oriental rug, equally as beautiful and rolled it out on the floor, with their hands, they smoothed the rug. They placed glasses on the carpet, plates, spoons, forks, a large bowl of steaming rice and other edibles. When they were done, Sameia announced “We are serving the most popular dish in Dakar in honor of our American friend, Maya Angelou!” Then all the guests sat down to eat. It was impossible to see how red Maya’s face had become because of her dark hue, but her face was on fire. She had just walked across the tablecloth.

Leaders must suspend certainty and think in questions

The lesson I take from this precious anecdote is how essential it is for leaders of today to maintain a stance of inquiry rather than a stance of certainty. Embracing the art of questioning acknowledges that we are open to learning from others. While many may presume exposing a lack of knowledge makes one appear weak, I have observed that exposing some area of ignorance humanizes leaders and closes the power distance between direct reports and their managers. After all it is not our ignorance that causes us trouble, but our certainty. When we are absolutely sure that we know the answer and the way people should behave, we are prone to judgment.

A stance of inquiry presumes that we have more to learn than we do to teach. Asking pertinent questions helps to reinforce our respect for other cultures and norms, embracing the multicultural world in which we live. It’s essential for leaders to avoid stereotyping and pursue opportunities to broaden their own views and perspectives. Maintaining a stance of inquiry is one way to do just that.

Create a toolkit of questions

Before judging a behavior, I encourage you to ponder what question you can ask.

• “Where might this be acceptable?”
• “What are some of my traditions that seem aberrant to others?”
• “What positive results might occur?”
• “How can I learn more?”
• “What’s getting in my way?”